Our First JM Clinic

Last weekend, Dezi and I rode in a clinic with John Michael Durr, a top-level eventer from the east coast who has started to trek to the Midwest more often for clinics. This was our first time riding with him, and the only way I was able to justify it (financially) was because someone was offering their spot at a reduced rate, which I really appreciated!!

The week leading up to the clinic was hot hot hot! There was a bit of a breeze on Tuesday night, so we did an easy dressage ride. Wednesday was farrier day and super hot, so we also did a light dressage ride. We jumped on Thursday in the 96 degree heat and it took quite a while to cool her down. And then I gave her Friday off before the clinic.

Saturday was stadium jumping day at Wood's Edge Equestrian Center. Chris used her truck to haul our trailer there around 8AM to try to beat the heat. We watched some of the other groups ride and caught up with friends as Dezi happily grazed. When it was time to get ready to ride, I saddled her up and then put her in front of the fan. It was a really hot day and the air was hardly moving and the arena was basically a beach with sand footing and no shade available for a reprieve from the sun.

Our lesson went well. We ride with another rider from the area who I'm facebook friends with but was officailly meeting for the first time. She was riding a pretty green horse. And Dezi did not have the fitness for an hour lesson with only 2 riders. It was rough. Luckily, the jumps stayed relatively small and we got through it (when I was able to remember my courses). We focused a lot on protecting the canter, jumping the middle third of the fence, and creating turns with a series of no more than 3 straight steps on the approaches to the jumps, like a stopsign. Creating this arch would make it more possible to protect the canter by changing the track as needed instead of changing the horse's rhythm. As the lesson went on, Dezi and I got more and more fatigued. She started running around on her forehand and I started perching in the saddle and not keeping my shoulders up on the approach to the fences. But it was hot. When we finished, my friend Julie immediately took Dezi to hose her off and once she was finally breathing closer to normally, I was able to let her chill in front of a fan while I got my belongings where they needed to be. Chris drove Dezi home and I stuck around to watch a few more rides until the heat finally got to me and I retreated home to the AC.

Sunday was cross country day. Anthony let me use his truck to haul, because Chris was planning on riding in her own clinic. We were one of the later riders with a 1 PM ride time. When we got to Heritage Park, it was pretty empty. I guess everyone else was smarter than we were and chose to ride in the morning to beat the heat. We got there there just as someone was pulling out of the coveted front shady spot at the park, so that was super lucky. We spent the afternoon with a group of 3 of us just frolicking around the park and playing. It was a true equestrian's playground. We started in the water, jumped a few starter and BN jumps and then rode the novice track through the water, incorporating the mound. And then he did it. JM gave us a line to jump and gave us the option of our final jump being either the novice or the training house. What the hell? We're here right. Let's just do it. We jumped the training house and then I'm pretty sure almost everything we jumped from there was training level. So cool! Dezi was a badass. I'm so proud of her and happy with myself. We walked off the course with some much-improved confidence and tools to help us have future success. I was on cloud nine. It may have even been a better feeling than winning an event. A great cross country school is really good for the soul!

So now Dezi will get some time off. She's deserved it. Plus, it's really hot and my husband and I are headed to Floriday for the 4th of July, so there's no point in pushing her too hard. I'm still planning on going out to ride, but I think we're going to switch back into dressage-mode for a while. Our next outing will probably be the Saint Louis Area Dressage Society show at the National Equestrian Center on the first weekend of August. I'm hoping we can move up to 2nd level, but that would mean that I need to seriously work on my sitting trot! Luckily, there's time, and we can take it pretty easy in the hottest month of the summer. Dezi will appreciate that. And we can go back to just being buds for a while, which I am totally OK with. She's a pretty cool friend to have around and I appreciate her more than she'll ever know.

Spring Update!

It has been a busy spring! We have done lots of things this spring that I have totally forgotten to blog about! We have done lots of things this spring that I have totally forgotten to blog about! 

At the end of April, we went to the Oklahoma Dressage Society Spring I & II in Tulsa, OK at the Expo Center. We showed in Training Test 3 and First Level Test 3 on both Saturday and Sunday. We walked away with very consistent scores. We got our second qualifying scores for regionals in both Training and First Level, and I got the scores I needed to fulfill the requirement for First Level in preparation for my bronze medal. We got a 64.828 and 65.000 in Training Test 3 and a 65.972 and 65.000 in First Level Test 3. I had a bit of a breakdown at the end of the weekend, because I felt like our tests were getting better and better but our scores were staying the same. Marie and Chris both talked me off the ledge to help me realize that Dezi and I were both probably tired. 2 tests both days is a lot for a recognized dressage show. We are getting better and more consistent, even when it doesn't feel like it sometimes. From there, we proceeded to work on our dressage often when we schooled at home. 

 We went to the Liz Halliday-Sharp clinic at the beginning of May. Because of all the rain we had had, we weren't able to go out to Heritage Park for the cross country schooling on Sunday, so we did stadium at Julie Wolfert's barn on Saturday and a simulated cross country schooling in the arena on Sunday. I really enjoyed Liz's style. She focused on my rhythm on the approach to the fences and my body position with emphasis on not folding forward or bringing my upper body forward until Dezi's front feet are off the ground. The riding portion went pretty well! Dezi and I answered a lot of tough questions- she was focusing on asking training/prelim level questions at a novice height, so it was fun to see what we were capable of achieving. And on Saturday evening, there was a Q&A with Liz where we got to ask her questions and get honest answers. She talked about everything from her favorite qualities in an upper level horse, the differences in work ethic and mindset between US & European riders at the top level of the sport, and show nerves. She said that even the most professional of riders has show nerves, but it's about harnessing them, recognizing them, and finding a way to use them to your advantage at the shows. I thought that was super interesting! 

 Then last weekend, we went to Heritage Park for a cross country schooling on Saturday and a schooling show on Sunday. We rode with Jamie Hill, because Chris was in Oklahoma for her "L" judging program and couldn't be there with us. During the schooling on Saturday, we went through the whole novice course and worked on getting Dezi centered to the fences (not totally sure when I started jumping to the left of everything) and getting her to the base of the fences so she could get her shoulder up more easily over the jumps. The schooling show was on Sunday. We had a decent dressage ride, but I had an error when I forgot our second trot circle. However, all of the feedback we got was super accurate and things I know that we need to work on- keeping a more consistent rhythm and contact and improving our transitions, particularly from free walk to medium walk. We ended up with a 41.1 from Nancy Gorton, the judge. We got ready for stadium/XC and had a good warm up. Dezi was jumping well. We managed to keep it together and had a double clear stadium round! Then we went out for cross country- we jumped 2 jumps and then headed out onto the course. Because of all the people schooling on Saturday, the ground was pretty beaten up as we approached all the fences. About half way through the course, Dezi started really taking the shortest possible spots to the fences and then throwing her body over the jumps at the last second. I'm not sure if it was the questionable footing or possibly her being sore from jumping so much on Saturday, but at fence 9B, she pegged her front feet at the jump and I went up over her shoulder (...before her front legs came off the ground, much unlike what Liz had told us previously). I found myself sitting on the jump next to her. Because it was a schooling show, I took off my air vest, threw it into the woods, used the jump as a mounting block to get back on, and we finished the course. I rode her more confidently and drove her to the fences, and it went perfectly! We finished strong. Despite the trouble, I felt like I had some improved confidence going into our first recognized show of the season the next weekend. 

And then there was Mill Creek. I took Friday off so that I could beat the rush there. I was traveling by myself, so I wanted to make sure that I had time to unload the trailer and get the stall set up the way I wanted it. It all worked to plan. But then I had quite a while to just sit and people-watch until cross country opened at 3pm. Chris was riding in a dressage clinic with Marie Maloney at 4:30, so she wouldn't make it to the park to school me until about 6:30. I walked cross country twice and hung out with lots of old friends until she texted me that she was on her way. I got tacked up and met her in the warm-up ring when she pulled in with her horse trailer, Gemma in tow. We had a really nice warm-up. Dezi was listening and on the contact and working well. Then we took an extended walk break and she must have thought we were finished. She was a nightmare to get back to work! Lesson learned. Work and keep working instead of allowing her to have a long rest break in the middle of a ride, particularly when preparing for dressage on Saturday. I untacked, walked Dezi a couple of times before the sun went down, and headed home to get a good night of sleep before what I knew would be a busy Saturday. 

 I got to the park around 6:30 on Saturday morning, with my QuikTrip breakfast sandwich and diet coke in hand! I fed Dezi, walked her, did the morning chores, and got to braiding. It takes me soooo long! I had a minor dilemma when I was concerned about some significant fly-aways that were leftovers from her body clipping this spring when I may have gotten too close to her mane. Oops! You live and you learn, right? My husband Anthony, Chris's husband Harold, and our friends Thayne, Wendy, Paul, and Annetta were there to support me! We had another great dressage warm up and headed straight into the arena so as not to give her too much of a rest break. I was sure to ride her past the scary "Ring 1" sign that was freaking out even the most seasoned of prelim horses as we took our laps around the ring. Dezi was pretty much a rockstar! We had a couple of rhythm issues and that damn free walk to medium walk transition was not pretty, but the rest of the test was pretty dang good. I walked out of the ring with a huge smile on my face! And Chris was happy, so that's pretty cool. Our score wasn't reflective of how good of a test we thought it was, but it is what it is. We ended up with a 33.1, but no error (like last weekend)! We were sitting in 2nd place in our division! 

Chris and I took a couple moments to go out on cross country just the 2 of us to watch some of the training riders and go over some of the questions I had about the course. She gave me the confidence I needed coming out of the start box. We got ready and headed down to the XC warm up. Dezi was HOT HOT HOT! She obviously knows and loves her job, but she may or may not have gone a bit too hard in the warm up ring. We started out on course really quick! But she jumped bold and confidently. The course was really hilly, so that made fitness a true question, but Dezi jumped everything well. We hit all our minute markers spot on! The last 2 jumps were pretty straight forward, so after the combination for jump 14AB, I drooped my reins and just told Dezi to take us home, because I knew she was pretty tired. But she got it done and we ended up barely crossing the finish line clear and within the time… 7 seconds under optimum time. I jumped off, threw off all her tack and headed straight to the wash rack to hose her down until she was cool. Then I took her studs out and rinsed her again before I left her alone to relax. Our double clear XC round moved us up from 2nd to first place overnight. All my friends left and I spent the rest of the evening just chilling and hanging out with people. Dezi and I watched some of the starters on cross country, I went to the competitors pizza party, and I walked the stadium course… all left turns! Too bad Dezi is more fond of her right lead! Surely, we'll be able to figure it out! I walked Dezi around the park, caught up with some old friends, wrapped her legs, and headed home to sleep before the sun had fully gone down (after I apologized to her for leaving so early, of course). I was exhausted! 

Sunday came pretty quick! We rode earlier than on Saturday (the estimated time would be 8:45am as compared to 11:06 & 1:20 on Saturday). I woke up at 5AM and I was at the horse park by about 6AM (after a bit of laying in bed calculating how much time I actually needed to get everything done by the beginning of stadium jumping at 7:30). I got there, fed Dezi, did the morning chores, and took her for a walk and a quick graze before I headed down to the arena to watch the prelim riders. The course was riding pretty well, even with all the left turns! Chris and I walked the course before the training riders went and then I headed back to the stall to get Dezi ready, because we were in the first group of novice. Dezi was not having it. She was laying down and was not OK with getting up. I was able to hang with her in the stall, attempted to groom her the best I could from her laying down in her stall, and even tried to get her halter on to coax her to get up when she pushed the left side of her head into the bedding so I couldn't attach it. I eventually got the halter on her and needed some significant force to get her up off the ground. She reluctantly let me tack her up and we headed down to warm-up. Our warm-up was pretty good and Dezi jumped well. There was a jump in warm-up that was definitely not novice height or width (probably left over from the training divisions). Dezi hit it pretty hard, but then she proceeded to jump everything else well. We went out on course. I vowed to try to keep a consistent rhythm and use my corners well. I thought our rhythm was good- though Chris says it looked like I was flying. But our corners were not great- Dezi was really falling onto her left shoulder in particular (remember, almost the entire course was left turns) and we careemed around almost every corner. We had a couple hard rubs, but we managed to keep all the rails up. Somehow, despite feeling like we were flying through the course, we ended up with 2 seconds of time penalties (0.8 points… the exact difference between me and the rider in 2nd place going into stadium). Unfortunately (or fortunately for me), the rider in 2nd place had time penalties, too, so we ended up maintaining our first place position! Woop woop! We pulled it off! I was (and continue to be) so stinking happy! What an amazing way to start our season! We definitely still have things to work on, but it's nice to know that we're on the right track! 

 I'm not sure when our next event will be. We're taking next weekend off because we've had a busy couple of weekends. The following weekend, my husband and I are going to Pennsylvania to visit his family and celebrate his brother's graduation & his step-mom's 50th birthday. Unfortunately, we will be missing the event at Queeny Park in Saint Louis that weekend. We've got some schooling shows planned for the end of June and July, but the next event that we typically would go to is Catalpa Corners at the beginning of August, which is the same weekend as a dressage show at the National Equestrian Center in St. Louis, so Chris and I will have to make a decision. We have talked about going to NEC that weekend because dressage regionals will also be held there, so it would give our horses that exposure if the plan is to continue on to regionals. I guess we have some time to figure that all out. I am definitely planning on going to Heritage Park and Windermere Run HT in Kansas City in October, though!

Dressage Will Solve All Your Problems

We've all heard it. Dressage is the foundation of all riding. Good dressage training means good riding. Have a problem with your jumping, do more dressage. Have a problem with your horse not using his hind end while galloping, do more dressage. Have a problem with submission, do more dressage. Good dressage translates into all areas of riding. So eventhough I have heard it time and time again, I believe this is the year I will take it to heart and do as I'm told. 

I joined all the memberships (USEA, USEF, USDF, KCDS, and probably a few more) and registered for my first recognized dressage show at Valley View Equestrian Center in Stillwater, OK on March 26-27. I registered us to ride Training Level Test 3 and First Level Test 3 on Saturday and First Level Tests 1 & 3 on Sunday (just because the training level tests would be at the end of the day and get us home super super late). Bronze medal, here we come!

I spent a month getting ready and riding as much as I possibly could, not an easy feat with bipolar Midwestern weather. The week before the show, I spent the weekend body clipping Dezi- she looks sleak! We had a farrier appointment on Thursday and one of our thoroughbreds was freaking out, so the farrier asked me to hold for him. As the farrier went to lift his front leg, the horse went up and forward, right at me. I put my right arm up in a protective motion so quickly that I think I pulled something. It still isn't back to normal, but it's getting better every day. After the farrier left, I made sure to pack all my dressage stuff (it felt like a significantly lighter load than what I needed for an event) and headed home to do some laundry (because horse show laundry hasn't been touched all winter). 

Friday morning, I got to the barn early. It was still pretty cold and with Dezi being body clipped, I didn't want her to freeze in the trailer, so I put white shampoo on her legs and shampooed and conditioned her tail. We met up with our hauling buddy, Annetta, around 10 and headed out! We got to Stillwater around 3pm, set up the stalls, and then had a quick warm-up ride. Dezi was awesome! We mostly rode in the outdoor arena (which would be used for warm-up on show days) and then did a short ride in the indoor (where the dressage tests would be ridden). It is a beautiful European dressage arena with high walls and lots of mirrors perfect to watch yourself as you ride to see if you're doing everything right. We went out to dinner at a sushi/hibachi restaurant with our crew (Chris, Annetta, me, Marie, Elizabeth, and Molly) and then I headed back to the barn to braid Dezi so I wouldn't have to feel rushed to do it in the morning. After a late night, I headed into the camper for some much-needed sleep, which was awesome until Chris decided that warmth is overrated and opened all the windows in an attempt to freeze me out. I figured out that if I cacooned myself under the covers and breathed, my breath would keep me warm. I would need to get some more blankets before Saturday night.

My first ride was First Level Test 3 at 8:30 on Saturday morning. Chris and I woke up around 6:30 to feed and start getting ready. It was much colder than I expected it to be, and I didn't bring a coat (just a really heavy hoodie that I ended up needing to wear almost all weekend), so the morning was rough. I got ready and was on around 8am for a long walk and short warm-up. There was a moment during my warm-up when I couldn't feel my fingers at all. We went in for our test, and it went pretty well! We had a couple of mistakes. Things like still needing to work on leg yields so they're more consistent, working on pushing her through the corners, and our lengthenings could definitely be better, particularly keeping my leg on when I ask for collection after out canter lengthening. (she may or may not have gone down to trot momentarily during each of those). All things I knew might not be perfect this weekend. But we ended up with a respectable 62.2% (a qualifying score for regionals, if I known to pay extra money prior to the class, which I did for my next 2 possible qualification tests later in the show) with fair judging and comments.

We watched lots of other riders, including everyone who was there with us, and even did some real-time judging. A lot of the people with us are working on their "L" judging liscense, so they watched tests and Marie had them calling out real-time scores and the comments they would have made. It was very interesting. And those grand prix horses. They're absolute beasts!  We also went out to grab some food- Chris was craving a Braum's cheeseburger and I needed a diet coke. When we got back to the barn, I borrowed a few blankets from Annetta so that I would make sure to stay warm that night. Yay for forward thinking!!

Our second ride of the day was Training Level Test 3 at 3:30pm. I like the training level test. It reminds me of a novice dressage test in eventing. No lengthenings or 10 meter circles or leg yields. Just transitions and stretchy trot. Dezi was a bit excited- I think she thought it was time to jump. Usually when we go to shows, there is one dressage test and then jumping, so she didn't get the memo that this one would be different. She was very forward and happy to go fast. No need for a whip during this test! We rode it well, though. I really focused on my geometry and having good transitions. We ended up with a 66.724%. A qualifying score for regionals!!

After the show was finished, there was a competitor's party where we celebrated Annetta achieving the final score she needed for her bronze medal. It was complete with someone using a saber to open a bottle of champagne! And lots of delicious hors d-'euvres. Chris rode Gemma and demonstrated the 5 flexions of the horse (poll-fingers, neck-reins, shoulder-thigh, ribcage-seat, and haunches-lower leg), I walked Dezi and wrapped her, and then I spent a quiet evening next to her stall. I shut down the barn and then headed to bed- this time with plenty of blankets to ensure that I stay warm all night!

My first ride on Sunday was First Level Test 1 at 8:45 and there were only 3 riders between that test and when I would need to ride First Level Test 3 again. We woke up at 6:30 again to feed and walk the horses and then I started getting ready. Dezi was feeling good. Again, probably ready for jumping. We went in to our test and it all came apart. I don't know if I was tense or if she was rebelling because we still hadn't jumped at all, but all of a sudden, half halts weren't a thing. She gave me the finger throughout almost the whole test. We managed to pull it together, but it certainly wasn't pretty. We ended up getting at 64.148% and then proceeded to do as many canter halts as possible in the warm-up ring as possible to prepare for our next test and re-install a half halt. She started listening, maybe because she was finally getting tired, and we headed in for First Level Test 3. 

I had Marie read it for me, because with all our transition work in the warm-up ring, I hardly had a chance to review/remember it. We did OK. Still had trouble with our usual spots...leg yields, lengthenings (but Chris says those got better and better as the weekend progressed- not bad considering I forgot to start practicing them until the Tuesday before the show), and the canter collection after the lengthening. I was determined to keep my leg on and not let her break to trot from canter until I was ready, and I think I succeeded. Again, not super pretty, but we got it done. We ended up with a 62.629%. A qualifying score for regionals and another score that would count towards my bronze medal (except that there was only one judge for both days of this show, so only one counts)! 

We packed up all our stuff and watched the other people in our group ride before we headed out! We got to Chris's house around 8 and I was in bed at my house by 9:30pm. Another good horse show weekend in the books. I feel like I learned a ton about dressage and about me and my horse. It was so interesting to be around people so passionate about dressage. Here's hoping it will solve all my problems!

Goal Update

Here are my 2021 Goals and a quick summary of how they were all influential in my year and my progress in my riding and my life as a whole: 

1. Keep Coco Happy and Healthy- CHECK! 

Coco is loving his retirement and has remained healthy and at a good weight all year.

2 Earn Top 3 at a recognied novice event- CHECK! 

I won the open novice division at the Mill Creek Pony Club Horse Trial in May of 2021. I blew my load early with this one. The season went a bit downhill from there, but it is what it is. The rest of my Novice finishes in 2021 were 9th at Queeny Park, 4th at Catalpa, and 7th at Windermere. We also got 2nd in a BN division at Heritage and we won't talk about our RF at AECs. Here's to coming out strong in 2022!

3. Earn qualifying scores for recognized dressage at first and second levels- FAIL! 

Actually, we didn't do any recognized dressage shows in the 2021 season. We're planning to change that in 2022 so we can step up our game at the events. 

4. Eventing dressage score of 30 or less at a recognized event- FAIL! 

This is why I want to step up our dressage game in 2022. We are both so capable of meeting this goal, but it just hasn't happened and I let my nerves get to me at the recognized shows.  

5. Compete in 1 recognized training level event- FAIL! 

I'm not sure if this is a huge goal for me anymore. I might be OK with doing a training level event at the end of the season at one of our home-town shows, but I am in no rush whatsoever. Honestly, training level scares the shit out of me. 

6. Compete with Dezi at AEC- CHECK! 

Kind of... we competed in dressage... and completed 2 XC jumps... but the goal wasn't to complete AECs... it was to compete at AECs, which I guess is something we did do. Next time I'll remember to include the word "complete" instead of "compete" in my goal. 

7. Win a year end award in Area IV- FAIL! 

Like I said, it wasn't our best year for competition. 2022 will be better. 

8. Read 5 self-development & 3 horse-related books- FAIL! 

I read 5 self-development books in 2021, but I did not read 3 horse-related books (assuming the goal was for nonfiction books, because I did read several horse-related fiction books this year). 

9. Achieve maintenance weight loss goal- FAIL! 

I actually went in the complete opposite direction and gained weight this year. More on that later- planning to get back to it in 2022. 

10. Become a 5 handicap in APA pool- CHECK! 

I got there for about 2 months and then continuously lost until I went back down to a 4. I'll get back there one day when I'm not as focused on my riding and have to switch to pool. 

Here are the goals I have created for 2022 and some of the rationale behind them: 

1. Keep Coco happy and healthy. 

My standard number one goal every year. He deserves it. He has done more for me than he will ever know. 

2. Earn top 3 finish at a recognized novice event.

I want to feel this feeling again, so I'm keeping it in the rotation for consistency. 

3. Earn qualifying recognized first level dressage scores towards bronze. 

I'm going for my bronze medal in dressage. This is the first step.

4. Eventing dressage score of 30 or less at a recognized novice event.

I know that Dezi and I can achieve this. We are fully capable. I want to show at more dressage shows this year, so that this becomes more of a possibility. In the past, we've had trouble showing our full potential in dressage at the events because of my nerves and my pre-conceived self-confidence issues and my own self-limiting beliefs about my dressage potential. More dressage shows will help. 

5. Double clear stadium round at a recognized novice event.

This has been elusive for Dezi and myself for the last few show seasons. I think it's time to make a goal to match our expectations. For some reason, stadium jumping with Coco was always easy. Point him at the jumps and he takes them and leaves the poles in the cup. I have to work much harder in the stadium ring with Dezi. 

6. Complete Novice 3-Day event with Dezi.

I've always wanted to do a 3-day event. Now that we're consistently showing novice and there's one in Iowa this year, this goal was a no-brainer! (Notice that it says "complete" instead of "compete"... I won't make that mistake with my goals again)

7. Win a Year End Award.

Because we're worth it. I don't care if it's KCDS schooling award or a MAEA award or an Area IV award or whatever. Or all of the above!

8. Read 5 self-development books and 3 horse-related nonfiction books. 

Because I want to become a better person and a better horsewoman. 

9. Achieve weight loss goal. 

Get there. Again. Now that I know I can. 

10. Maintain a 5 handicap in APA.

Because I want to be competitive with my husband. 

I am NOT superwoman.

I spent the summer planning a wedding and preparing for a full fall show season. I am superwoman. I can do it all. I am a hard worker. I am capable. I can do this.

Dezi and I started our fall season by going to the American Eventing Championships in Lexington, KY at the Kentucky Horse Park. We qualified at both beginner novice and the novice level, but since we've been showing novice all season and Dezi respects the show jumps more at the novice level, Chris and I decided to enter the novice division. We got there on September 1 after spending the day traveling. We got the stall set up and found our campsite where we could park the camper for the week. September 2 was dressage day, but we wouldn't be riding until about 4 in the afternoon. I hand walked Dezi several times around the park to get her acclaimated. She was crazy every time I walked her. I tried to keep her out of the stall as much as possible. We let her chill a bit while we went to visit Samantha at the dressage barn where she's working in the morning. It was so amazing to see her and all she's been doing! She has grown up so much and has truly become an amazing woman! And Emily is a great influence for her! We had an amazing dressage warmup and then as soon as I went into the arena, I froze up. We ended up with a disappointing 37.0 to put us in 39th place out of 53 riders. We walked XC several times and I even walked it the morning of September 3rd. Everything looked big to me on foot, but I knew that things always look smaller when I'm actually on Dezi, so it would totally be OK. Again, I got Dezi out of the stall as much as possible and then Chris and I watched some XC before I got ready for my ride at about 6:30pm. Dezi and I would be the second to last pair to tackle the novice XC. Dezi felt a little funky when we started jumping. I later described it as a frantic crazy instead of her usual prepared enthusiasm. In hindsight, it was probably me. I was nervous. I was trusting her too much to calm my nerves, and as a responsible horse owner, I should know never put her in charge of my nerves. We headed out to XC and bobbled the first log, so I pushed her forward to the next fence, which she jumped well. But disaster hit when I headed toward the third fence, a tall coop with a flat landing followed closely by a bit of a natural ditch. Instead of sitting up and riding her to the fence, I trusted her too much because of her forward ride to fence 2. She stopped and I was over her shoulder too much to save myself. It was disappointing. I immediately stood up, addressed the medical crew that came to help me, and then a cried as I hand walked my horse off the course and back to the barns. All that hard work all year and I blew it. I didn't get to ride through the head of the lake. I didn't get to ride in the Rolex arena. But I think what hurts the most is that I've qualified for 4 AECs on 3 different horses and I've fallen off on XC at 3 of them. I'm fully aware of the common denominator. And it's frustrating. I feel like I put so much time and energy and effort into succeeding, and I just keep letting myself (and my horses and my coach) down. We hung out the next couple days. Dezi and I went for a long hack around the park. I got a lesson from Emily. And we headed home on Sunday, September 5 starting to make a plan for how we could get out of this hole I had dug for myself. 

A couple weeks later (on September 26th... the day after my bachelorette party), there was a one- day horse trials at Heritage Park, our hometown event. In an effort to figure out my confidence issues, we decided to enter the one-day without schooling XC the previous day. We did OK in dressage, dropped one rail in stadium (which wasn't super surprising, because I forgot to walk it), and then we headed out to XC. The course rode fine, but Dezi was pretty sticky to every jump, preferring the chip instead of the natural spot. Until we got to the final table. As we were approaching it, my thought was "Wow! That looks like a huge f**king jump." Instead of sitting in the back seat and being the confidence Dezi needed, I went up over her shoulder and she stopped. I ended up in front of the saddle. Luckily, because it was a table, she couldn't put her head down, so it took me a while, but I was able to monkey back into the saddle. We came around and rode the jump again, this time with more conviction. She jumped it fine. But again, I was frustrated. I was failing my horse and my coach... and myself. Chris and I decided that it would be within Dezi and my best interests to drop down to beginner novice for the Heritage Park Horse Trials, which would be the week after my wedding.  We also decided to get her hocks checked out to see if she would need injections, which the vet highly suggested. She had been sore. She was probably sore at AECs, too, but she's so stoic and willing to do anything I ask of her that I never knew! I also had a lot on my mind, so I wasn't giving myself and my horse the respect we both deserved. Mentally. I was unfocused. Hopefully I could be more mentally present after the wedding. 

The next weekend, I got married. October 2, 2021 was the day of my dreams. Literally, I lived the wedding that I had dreamed of as a little girl. It was absolutely perfect in every way. I took the whole week before off of work to make sure I'd have some down time before everything got crazy. I was able to ride during the day in the beginning of the week but then I took off from riding when family was in town and then got back to riding on Tuesday. 

I got in as many rides as I could before I took off work on Friday October 8, and borrowed Anthony's truck to haul myself and my horse to Olathe. Our first solo trip! I needed some help backing, but otherwise, I was pretty proud of myself! Dressage went better than it had been going at the previous shows. I was still stiff and perched, but I ended up with a 32.3 to put us in 2nd place. XC was awesome! It was a whole new course with new tracks and lots of new jumps. Granted, it was a level lower than we had been typically riding this year, but we rode it! Dezi was a rockstar. Even on jump 14 which was similar in terrain to our bogey jump at AECs. I walked off the XC course with a gigantic smile on my face! "It was me!" And then there was stadium. I dropped one rail, but we were able to maintain our 2nd place position. I think we finally had our confidence back! We decided to try our hand at novice at our last show of the season at Windermere Run 2 weeks later. We were back!

The weekend between Heritage and Windermere, we headed out to Longview Lake to do some XC schooling. We jumped all of the novice jumps we could find and she felt great!

I hauled Dezi to Longview Lake on our second solo voyage to Windermere Run HT on September 22. I got there early to set up the stall. We had a lesson with Chris and then walked XC. I braided Dezi and then headed home to get as much sleep as possible. We rode dressage at 10am on Saturday morning. I actually rode it. I was relaxed and thinking throughout the whole test. Until I forgot my stretchy trot... just went right on past it. I pulled myself together and finished the test with a 32.1 includng my error! We were sitting in 2nd place. We totally could have had our sub-30 dressage score (a goal for the year). At least now I know we're totally capable! Then we got to run XC- again, whole new tracks and a couple new jumps. She was a beast! She took the bending line like a pro and we even had to circle before the finish line because we were going too fast! We maintained our 2nd place position. Stadium jumping on Sunday got delayed a couple of hours because of some serious weather we had overnight and that morning. We had a beautiful warm up and then I went into the arena and went slightly braindead. I was over her shoulder, trusting her too much. I didn't have the correct rhythm. I didn't ride her well at all, and it never got better. The jumps that we managed to leave up were because she saved me. I rode like crap and we knocked 3 rails. That 12 additional points took us from 2nd to 7th, which is hilarious, because the ribbon matches all of my things! My husband said that maybe I should change my color to blue! 

I'm proud of myself and my horse for how we stayed determined and finished strong after a couple of bobbles this season. When things had been going so well, it was easy for me to forget that it takes hard work and mental energy to maintain that success. I AM NOT SUPERWOMAN! I cannot do it all. So the next time I decide to plan a wedding and maintain a full show season, someone please remind me not to be an idiot! 

Learning to trust

Chris and I headed to Catalpa Corners Charity Horse Trials in Iowa City, IA last weekend. We both took Friday off work so we could leave super early to try to beat the heat. We didn't want Dezi to be in the trailer during the heat of the day. After preparing the trailer in some viscious heat, eating delicious BLT sandwiches, & watching some Olympics, I slept over at Chris's house and we were able to pull out of the driveway at about 5am Friday morning.

Little did we know, there would be a cold front when we passed from Missouri into Iowa. We even pulled out sweatshirts at one point during our journey! We arrived at Catalpa around noon, got Dezi all settled in (we lucked out and got one of 4 stalls with concrete, so I bought her extra bedding for comfort), and got the stall set up. We found our campsite and parked the trailer in the perfect spot, so I could work out of it all weekend easily. Oh the joys of showing up early at a show!

When things had settled down a bit, we took Dezi out for our warm up. She was firey! I don't know if it was the weather change or the show environment, but she was full of herself, and I was OK with it. She's so much more fun to ride when she has energy as compared to when she's lazy. We made it a pretty quick ride and then headed back. Chris napped while I gave Dezi a bath and then we headed to the competitors party. They had some delicious pizzas and salad! And someone had donated a bunch of hard ciders, which were also delicious!

After dinner, Chris, our friend Cindy, and I headed out for our cross country walk. The course seemed pretty straightforward with several jumps that even looked more like beginner novice jumps than novice. I wasn't about to complain! The biggest questions would be a big table at the top of a hill, a half coffin with a ditch to a fairly skinny rail, the option into water (either a bank down or just a run in), the option of running through a covered bridge to a large table at jump 9, and a 4-stride bending line combination between 11 & 12. But overall, it was a pretty straightforward course, and definitely fair for the level. I walked the course once more on my own to collect my thoughts before Chris and I finished the evening watching some Olympic eventing dressage. I walked Dezi a few times before we headed to bed.

I woke up early on Saturday to feed Dezi and braid her before Chris and I went out to watch some of the prelim dressage. When it was time, I headed back to get ready. In the warmup, Dezi was still pretty spicy, but it was great. She was listening and I felt like I was riding well. When it was our turn, we took a couple laps around the outside of the ring and then headed in. Suddenly, the amount of space I had seemed really small and things were coming up quickly. And she wasn't listening at all. She felt completely different than in the warmup. And I'm sure it was me. It's amazing how mental horseback riding can be. I'm sure I was nervous and handsy and trying to micromanage her. Damn me. She knows her job. We've ridden dressage a million times. We know how to ride dressage. Well, given the test we rode, you might not be able to tell that. It was pretty tense. She wasn't listening. My geometry wasn't good. It was pretty much a disaster. We ended up with a fair 35.0. However, that put us in a tie for 2nd place going into XC. Somehow! Maybe everyone else in my division had just as shitty rides as I did.

We had about 2 hours before cross country. I put Dezi in her stall, put away all my dressage stuff, and Chris and I headed out to the XC course to watch a few of the training riders. The course was eating them alive! Most of the people we saw went through the water really well, but the double down banks were getting people. When it was time, I headed back to the barn to start getting ready. We headed out to the warmup and we were ready to go. Dezi warmed up really well. We jumped all of the stadium jumps and then the cross country warm up jumps well. Chris was going to head out onto the course and told me to jump one more jump, any jump I wanted, when they called for my 2 minute warning before I headed to the start box. We were given the 2 minute warning, jumped the novice XC warm up jump, and headed out. As we were walking to the start box, I heard the announcers call over the radio that there was a hold on course. I was having flashbacks to Mill Creek, when I was held at the startbox for about 20 minutes (I had spent the whole time walking and when I finally went out on course, it took us a couple jumps to get back into a rhythm- Chris had suggested that if it happens again, to go back to the warmup and do a little gallop and jump before I went out of the startbox). I had learned my lesson. I asked if I could go back to the warm up and then get a 2 minute warning again. I'm not sure how long the hold was, but we did eventually get a 2 minute warning. This time, I had her jump the training rolltop cross country jump before we headed to the startbox. This time without a hitch.

Cross country rode really well! My time markers were confusing me. I thought we were behind at the first minute. We were right on the second minute, and then suddenly, we were 20 minutes up on time. At the end of the course, I was slowing her down to a stadium pace as we were headed to the last couple jumps. Everything rode well, though. And we did a pretty good job of riding the plan. She chipped into the 5th jump (a coop in the woods), she took a bit of a look at the ditch (no biggie), I didn't have the balls to do the bank into the water, she beasted through the covered bridge and the big table after, and we took a different line to the bending line than we had planned, but it worked. And it was fun! We went double clear! Woop woop! Unfortunately, the person in first place had a lot of trouble and the person who was tied with me ended up falling off. We finished XC in first place in our division! I could hardly believe it! But the scores were very close. No rails in hand. Check out our GoPro here: https://youtu.be/F7hStqWtdR4

We spent the rest of the afternoon watching the beginner novice & starter XC riders. I spent a lot of time walking with Dezi. Chris and I ate some delicious steak and jalapeno artichoke sandwiches and walked the stadium course. Then we watched the Olympics XC before we headed to bed. Nice and chill evening.

I slept in a little bit on Sunday (until about 6:30am). I fed & walked Dezi before Chris and I headed to stadium to watch the prelim riders and some of the training divisions. A lot of riders were having trouble with the owl jump, which was downhill and needed to be approached with a good square turn on the grass. When it was time, I headed back to the barn to put in Dezi's studs and get ready. Of course she hadn't laid down all weekend and decided that right before stadium would be the time. Of course. So I had to give her a good grooming to make her pretty before we headed to the ring. We probably got there a little too early, because we spent a lot of time walking before we were really ready to warm up. Dezi was jumping well. We were ready.

We headed into the ring and got going. The first jump rode well. The second jump rode well. And then she was on the wrong lead, so I brought her back down to the trot and picked up the correct lead to head to the 3rd jump (the owl jump). I rode my square turn well, but I didn't see the distance and instead of pushing her forward for the distance, I held her. I micromanaged her. She knocked the rail with her front end. Shit. So we're not in first anymore, but we were perfectly capable of finishing the round well. We jumped the next 6 jumps well. Coming to 9A, I had a bit of deja vu to the 3rd jump. It was a square right turn and again, I should have pushed her for the distance and instead held her and tried to micromanage my horse who knows her job. She's easy to ride. Point her at the jump and put leg on. I didn't put leg on. We knocked a rail, took 3 strides in the 2 stride line, and managed to leave the B element up. I pushed her to the last fence and we ended the round with 8 jump faults. I didn't trust my horse and tried to micromanage her over the fences. Note to self: don't do that anymore.

We ended up in 4th place. I literally handed my blue ribbon to someone else on a gold platter. I felt like I had let both Dezi and Chris down. I didn't ride to my full potential. After I was sad about my finish, I started to get mad at myself and confer with Chris to make a plan before AECs. I need to work on my mental game and remember that my horse knows her job and I do not need to micromanage her. I'm planning on riding a dressage test every week and doing a jump school every week between now and then. I'm going to let Chris ride Dezi and give me pointers on how to manage her left shoulder (which she likes to drop- chicken or egg?) and do some more lunging to try to get her to carry herself better. And I'm going to read (and hopefully finish) the book "Ride Big" and workout for 30 minutes (non-riding-related working out) every day. We're going to figure this out, and I'm going to make Chris and Dezi proud at AECs. We've got this!

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